


No Time for Regret

by Shipsorsanity



Series: Phantasmal and Resplendent [2]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Gen, Lup Breaks Out of the Umbrastaff Early, Spoilers for taz balance, but Lucretia doesn't know about that, davenport remembers, lucretia thinks there's something up with taako, voidfish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:40:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21991579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shipsorsanity/pseuds/Shipsorsanity
Summary: Something's been off with Taako. He's been showing up to practice later and later, and he's been sneaking on and off the moon base when he shouldn't be able to.Then his umbrastaff breaks and the next day it's good as new.One thing leads to another and suddenly, Lucretia's holding Taako's name over the second voidfish's tank. She can't regret her actions. She's come too far for that.A companion piece to Phantasmal and Resplendent following Lucretia's view of the events up to chapter 14.
Relationships: Angus McDonald & Taako, Davenport & The Director | Lucretia, The Director | Lucretia & Taako
Series: Phantasmal and Resplendent [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1583065
Comments: 9
Kudos: 109





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic, as I write this, is complete, but I'll be updating the chapters with space between. I've been working on this on and off for a while and posting this will give y'all something to look forward to as I continue to write Phantasmal and Resplendent.
> 
> Oh, and if you haven't read that, you probably should. There are things in this fic that Lucretia assumes that are not correct. You're probably gonna want the full context.

When she dropped Taako's name into the younger voidfish's tank, Lucretia couldn't help but feel a sense of déjà vu. It had only been a few months since she'd dropped his twin's name into the same tank.

She remembered that day clearly. She'd been doing paperwork in her office when she had been alerted to an accident in the cafeteria. With so many people on the moonbase, it wasn't unusual for something to go down every now and again. However, when she entered the cafeteria, she knew that this wasn't just some of her workers blowing off steam.

Clear as day, three letters were burned into the wall: LUP.

Rumors were already spreading about the strange word. Who had written it, and why? What did it mean? Word was going around that Taako and Angus had been in the cafeteria but bounced soon after the word appeared.

Lucretia calmly raised her staff to repair the wall. It didn't take long; she'd had a lot of practice over the years fixing burned things. On the outside, like always, Lucretia had been calm and collected. She was Madam Director, she had an image to keep. On the inside, though, she was panicking.

After she finished the mending spell, Lucretia sat in her office trying to make sense of the incident.

There were very few people who could have burned Lup's name into the wall.

Barry immediately came to mind. As a lich he would be able to think through voidfish static, but he hadn't been seen since he snuck onto the moonbase in Robbie's body. But that shouldn't be possible; Robbie was in the brig and Lucretia would now be able to recognize if Barry had possessed someone else.

With Barry eliminated, Lucretia entertained the idea that Taako was the one who had written his sister's name.

Why, though?

Taako couldn't have been able to drink the younger voidfish's ichor. There hadn't been a breach in security in her secret office since Barry's incident. He might be able to write "Lup" but he wouldn't know what that word meant.

After much consideration, Lucretia came to the conclusion that Barry had somehow convinced Taako to send Lucretia a message, which was worrying for multiple reasons. First, that Taako had been in contact with Barry, which was strictly against the rules. Barry was a Red Robe and she had warned Taako against interacting with him multiple times. In order to pass along the message, Taako would have had to trust Barry, at least a bit.

What is going on?

Lucretia did the only thing she could think of: she had fed Lup's name to the younger voidfish. At the very least, it put a barrier on any of Barry and Taako's interactions.

In a way, she was sending a message of her own. That she wouldn't back down. That she would see her plan through to completion, no matter what Barry would do.

Even so, Lucretia would have to keep a closer eye on Taako from now on.

Keep a closer eye she did, and she found something worrying.

Not long after they had recovered Magnus' chalice, Taako had been leaving the moonbase more and more often, and the way he did so was suspicious. Sometimes he would go down in a cannon and would be back the next day without calling a cannon to get back. Other times he would leave the moonbase and come back without using the cannons at all. Word had gotten around that Taako had been seen on and off the moonbase with someone who nobody recognized. Rumors spread, but Lucretia feared that this mysterious stranger was Barry.

Lucretia did the one thing she could do: she tightened her grip.

She had been planning on increasing the Reclaimers' training, anyway. Their last relic, she knew from experience, would be the hardest to reclaim. Training would be good for them and there was the added bonus of keeping Taako from conspiring.

Her plan didn't work as well as she thought it would.

For a few weeks, Taako was being his normal self. Complaining about the new training schedule sure, but that was because he's Taako. Merle also complained, and the only reason Magnus didn't was because he enjoyed fighting. Taako didn't step foot off the base for those few weeks.

Then things started to take a turn for the worse. Taako began making his trips down, leaving no explanation why. Lucretia would show up to the reclaimers' dorm and find that Taako had already been gone for hours.

Once his trips down started up again, Taako became defiant. He didn't arrive to training with Magnus and Merle anymore, instead waiting to show up a few minutes after they were scheduled to start. It started out as a minor annoyance, but it soon became a habit.

Then Taako had shown up to training without his umbrella.

"Rolled over in my sleep and broke it," Taako said simply.

"You sleep with your umbrella in your bed?" Magnus asked.

"Kinda weird," Merle commented.

Taako froze for a millisecond before he said anything. Lucretia wouldn't have noticed if it hadn't been for their 100 years on the same ship.

"Like you two can talk! Magnus, you sleep with a dozen wooden ducks and I'm not even going to touch Merle and his plants."

Lucretia asked herself why Taako would lie about breaking the umbrastaff. Did he break it on accident? On purpose? Was it broken at all? Did Barry tell him to break it? Did Barry steal the umbrella so he could have the only thing left that would remind him of his wife?

Lucretia changed the plans for training that day. Instead of focusing on offensive spells, she had Taako focus on dexterity. She made a plan for the next day to have him practice his swordsmanship, but that never came to be.

Taako had come to practice with his umbrella intact.

Lucretia didn't say anything, but as she watched her former friends train, she was thinking. As far as she was aware, there were two possible options: either Taako had lied about the umbrastaff being broken or someone had repaired it.

If the umbrastaff was never broken, then why wouldn't Taako have brought it to practice? He couldn't have forgotten it in his room—no, that would only mean he'd get to skip out on training while he retrieved it. The more likely scenario here was that Taako didn't have the umbrastaff. He'd either lost it (not likely, since Find Object was a spell that existed) or he'd given it away. The only person he could have given it to was Barry. Maybe Barry was doing some experiment to find Lup and needed her former spell focus, or maybe he just wanted something that reminded him of her.

If that was the case, then why would he have given the umbrella back? And besides that, how? Taako hadn't been off the moon the night before.

No, Lucretia knew how Taako lied. He wouldn't lie about his umbrella. The more likely scenario was that he found someone who could repair it.

Lucretia felt a shiver run down her back. Nothing on this plane came close to the masters of The Hanging Arcaneum. And even then, Lup had come up with the idea on her own, forging the umbrella by her own design. The blueprints Lup made of the umbrastaff confused Lucretia and the rest of the team greatly. There was nobody in all of existence who could have repaired the umbrastaff, unless—

Unless...

Lucretia excused herself from training and made her way to her office as fast as she could without calling attention to herself. When she closed the door, she collapsed.

Taako had the umbrastaff repaired by Lup. He went behind her back, he collaborated with red robes, he snuck off the moon without warning or the means—

Despite all this, Lucretia smiled. 

Lup was still out there, after all.


	2. Chapter 2

  
Magnus and Merle showed up to training just barely on time, as usual, but this time, Taako wasn't behind them.

One minute passed. Then two. Then ten. They waited for half an hour and there still weren't any signs of Taako. Magnus volunteered to see if he was awake and left.

Lucretia gripped her white oak staff before heading out after Magnus. Today would be the day that she would confront Taako and finally find out what was going on.

Lucretia found Magnus at Taako's bedroom door, apparently having just woken him up. As she approached, Lucretia thought she heard Taako whispering to someone that wasn't Magnus.

"Taako, is someone in there?" Lucretia asked, apparently surprising Magnus as he jumped at her words.

"No!" Taako yelled. There were faint sounds of moving coming through the door. Lucretia took the handle, casted Knock, and found–

"Oh," Lucretia said. In front of her was a completely naked Taako in his mess of a room. It wasn't anything she hadn't seen before–hell, it would be a miracle if they shared a small space for 100 years and incidents like these never happened. But Lucretia closed the door anyway. For one, Taako didn't know about that, and for two, even if he did, that didn't make it any less awkward.

"Yeah, I warned you," Taako said. "Let me get some pants on."

Lucretia looked at Magnus, who raised his hands in defense. "I'd've warned you, but you didn't give me much time," he said. Lucretia nodded to show her acknowledgment.

"Alright, I'm decent. What do you want?"

Lucretia opened the door and tried to shut it, but a few stray articles of clothing prevented the door from closing. She sighed.

"Taako," she started, gathering her thoughts. "You've been late to training the past few weeks."

Taako rolled his eyes and though she knew it wasn't personal, it was just what he did when he was annoyed, but that didn't make it hurt less. Lucretia frowned.

"Normally, I would let things like this slide," she said, "but you've made a habit of being a few minutes late every day."

Lucretia needed to move. Stress, anxiety, fear—whatever it was that made her legs tingle, the result was the same: she needed to move. She began to pace, wringing her hands around her staff as she did so.

"This is the third day in a row you've been late by more than just a couple minutes," Lucretia stated.

"Yeah?" Taako said nonchalantly with a hand on his hip. Lucretia was getting irritated by his casual attitude about a serious situation.

Lucretia sighed, outwardly letting him know that she was frustrated with him. "It's gotten to the point—" Lucretia shook her head. It was time to be blunt. "Taako, I'm starting to get worried that you may be influenced by darker forces."

Lucretia stopped pacing and turned to face Taako for the culminating accusation. She needed to see exactly how he reacted.

"Have you been in contact with the Red Robes?"

Lucretia didn't know what she was expecting, but it wasn't Taako rolling his eyes and even being so casual to sit on his bed. "No," he said, "and I wouldn't even have the time to anyway, with how busy you've made me."

Lucretia was furious. "Yet you've found time to regularly go down to the surface," she said. Taako closed his mouth, not responding at all. He wasn't looking at her anymore.

Now Lucretia knew that he was hiding something.

"Why didn't you use your umbrella during practice a few days ago?" Lucretia asked.

"Broke it," Taako said, not moving.

"You used it yesterday," Lucretia noted.

"Fixed it," Taako said with a shrug.

Lucretia narrowed her eyes. She's caught him. Taako couldn't have remembered his training at The Hanging Arcaneum, and there was only one person–one _elf_ that could fix the umbrella that she herself had created.

His sister. The one she erased.

Lup. A name he shouldn't know.

A Red Robe. The very being Lucretia had tired to drill into his head not to trust.

"Taako, I'm only going to ask you once," Lucretia said. She would give him one last chance to come clean. "Who have you been meeting on the surface?"

Taako said nothing.

"Taako?" Lucretia urged.

Lucretia used the last of her patience to wait for an answer. When none came, she gripped her staff, prepared a spell, and said, "Alright, then. I'm sorry for this."

Lucretia slammed her staff into the ground and the effects of her spell took place immediately with Taako slumping down on his bed, fast asleep.

Lucretia made her way to the door, moved the clothing that was in the way, and shut it as she left.

Magnus, of course, had seen and heard the whole conversation. "What happened?" He asked, worried at seeing his friend fall unconscious. "What did you do? Is he okay?"

"I have reason to believe that Taako has been in the league with Red Robes," Lucretia answered. She saw Magnus' face shift from fear, to confusion, to worry. "He won't be going anywhere; I made sure of that," Lucretia added.

Magnus' face shifted fully back to fear. "You killed him?" He asked, his voice rising an octave and already starting to break.

"No, gods no Magnus, he's only sleeping. I cast Imprisonment," Lucretia said, slightly offended that Magnus would think she would do such a thing. "Follow me Magnus," Lucretia began, walking past him. "I need your help to-"

"I'm not going."

Lucretia turned on her heel to face Magnus, not bothering to hide the anger that was starting to brew inside of her. "Excuse me?" She demanded.

Was Magnus also in on whatever Taako had been planning? Did he betray her as well?

Magnus' eyes went wide with fear and he instantly explained, "I—what if a Red Robe, or someone possessed by one tries to get him?" Magnus rubbed his arms. "Even if he is working with them, he's my best friend. I can't leave him when he's vulnerable like this."

Lucretia sighed. She didn't want Magnus to leave her side—not when her past friends could become traitors—but for once she couldn't find fault in his logic.

"Fine," Lucretia said, making eye contact with Magnus. "But before I get back, don't let anyone through this door, including yourself."

Magnus nodded, and Lucretia set off for the brig.

Lucretia nodded at the two guards stationed in front of the cells and they let her through. She looked around at the six cells.

When construction started on the Bureau of Balance's base, Maureen and Lucas wondered about the specific number of cells she requested, but Lucretia insisted that there should be six.

One for each of the other members of the Institute of Planar Research and Exploration, should they interfere with Lucretia's plans. At the very least, she tried to make each one as comfortable as possible. Good beds, large comforters, many pillows, and something for each person to occupy themselves with.

Taako's cell had a basic but sturdy cooking set with access to unused produce from the kitchens that he could transmute into ingredients.

Lup's had a violin and a music stand.

Barry's had a electric piano—Lucas called it a 'keyboard'.

Merle's had some of his favorite plants from the ship.

Magnus' had carving tools and a few blocks of wood.

Davenport had a seashell, a replica Starblaster, and a map of their home planet's night sky.

Lucretia passed by Barry's cell, which was currently being occupied by Robbie. She felt bad for him, he didn't deserve to be here, but if Barry could possess him once, he could do it again.

She made her way to Taako's cell and cleaned it up. She dusted, fluffed the pillows, did what she could to make it presentable. When she finished, she turned to the guards and told them to prepare for another prisoner.

When Lucretia came back to the room, Magnus was staring at the door handle, clenching and unclenching his right hand, itching to go through but not touching the door. Lucretia almost smiled. At the very least, there was one person that would listen to her.

"Thank you for waiting, Magnus," Lucretia said, startling him. She prepared two items—a bracelet that would cast Levitate on the wearer and a sheet that would turn Taako invisible as she took him to the Brig—and opened the door to find—

Nothing.

Taako was nowhere in sight.

"Damn it!" Lucretia shouted, surprising Magnus behind her. She had no idea how this could have happened, but now there was no doubt in her mind that Taako was working with Barry (and possibly Lup) to tear Lucretia's plan apart at the seams.

Lucretia turned to find Magnus in the doorway, eyes already filling with tears.

"I thought Taako—I thought he was my friend," Magnus said softly.

For the first time that day, Lucretia found the strength within herself to show mercy.

"He was, Magnus," Lucretia said, resting a hand on his shoulder. "I truly believe that. But those damn Red Robes—" Lucretia gritted her teeth. "They corrupted him and stole him from us."

Magnus sniffled. "We—we're gonna get him back, right?"

Lucretia smiled. Magnus was always so caring. "I'll do everything I can to ensure that," she promised. She left Magnus to go to her office.

She had a lot of work to do. Taako wasn't very easy to track down, but with his bracer, she might have a chance. The bracer used a mechanical version of the spell Sending to call one of the canons to the bracer's location. If Lucretia tried hard enough, she might be able to use that to track Taako's bracer down.

Thirty minutes had passed before Lucretia remembered about Angus McDonald, the boy on the moon who was probably the most attached to Taako. She quickly sent him a short message that said she needed to talk to him concerning his magic teacher and went to find him.

Lucretia found Angus in his room with Magnus, who had obviously just told him about Taako disappearing if the tears running down the child's face said anything. Lucretia was uncomfortable. She had no idea what to do with children, especially crying ones.

Lucretia looked at the only other adult in the room. "I take it you informed Angus about Taako's disappearance, Magnus?" She said.

Magnus nodded, also tearing up. "Yeah, it's just hard to believe that Taako would work with the Red Robes behind our backs."

Angus looked up at Lucretia, his face red and covered in tears, and said, "You're not gonna kill Mister Taako, are you?" His lip trembled and he blurted, "Please don't, Madam, he's not evil, I know it!"

"No, Angus," Lucretia said, "I won't kill Taako. We just need to find him before he does something he regrets."

Magnus held out his arms and Angus didn't hesitate to climb into them. "We're gonna get him back, buddy," he promised.

Lucretia went back to the gym where Merle had somehow fallen asleep in the middle of the floor. "Training is over for the day," she said, waking him up. "There's been a situation. Taako's gone missing."

"Well, where is he?" Merle said, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

Lucretia sighed. "If we knew that, he wouldn't be missing. Find Magnus, he'll explain what's happened."

Just then, an alarm went off somewhere on the base. One that Lucretia should have expected, given how wrong everything had been going. She sprinted to her office, calling all the guards she found on her way to follow her.

Lucretia opened her office door to find Davenport kneeling on the floor, mumbling words that weren't his name. She looked past him and saw that both doors that led to the second voidfish were open. Lucretia slammed those doors shut with her magic and ordered the guards to escort Davenport to his cell in the brig. She followed them. She waited and watched through the iron bars until Davenpart finally finished remembering.

"L-Lucretia," Davenport stammered, small and broken. "What have you done?"

Lucretia raised her chin. "What I had to," she said, because she had gone too far to start thinking otherwise.

She found herself in her office, not remembering how she got there. She reset the illusions guarding the second voidfish and watched as it swam in its tank.

There wasn't a doubt in Lucretia's mind that Barry had something big planned and it would pop off soon. She needed to do something now or else all her plans would be for nothing.

All of this _couldn't_ be for nothing.

Though she would have liked to have them prepare for another month, she would send Magnus and Merle to Wonderland that night. She needed the final relic so she could cast her shield spell before Barry interfered with whatever he was planning. But if Barry and Taako contacted Magnus and Merle while they were on the surface...even if they didn't, the two men would still be distracted by the memory and their concern for their their lost friend.

Lucretia found herself writing Taako's name on a piece of paper. She ripped it out of her journal and held it above the voidfish's tank. She watched as Taako's name fell into water just as his sister's did just months before. She saw the voidfish delight in their meal, not knowing what they had just consumed.

Lucretia left the room, called Magnus and Merle to her office, and gathered all the information about Wonderland. When she heard the knock on the door, she fixed her posture to stand tall and sturdy.

She wasn't Lucretia anymore. Now, she was Madam Director.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just,,, I feel so bad for Lucretia. She messed up, and she knows she messed up, but she's sacrificed so much and done so much to her family that her plan has to succeed. She's scrambling here, because although she lived through the stolen century and she aged in Wonderland, she's not really much older than I am right now. She was 19-21 when she first started feeding the voidfish. Heck, I can't even decide what I want to go to school for and she's making decisions that have incredible consequences. Even if I go to school for something specific, in ten years I could change my career (my dad's done that three times already) so even that doesn't have much bearing on the not-so-distant future. But Lucretia made that decision before her brain had fully developed and now she's forced to commit to it. If she doesn't, then that means that separating her family, being alone, all these things were for nothing.
> 
> I'm rambling but. I feel so bad for her. All this is pretty much why I wrote this whole fic. I feel like it's necessary to show that she's scrambling and panicking because she doesn't know what else to do and she's just exhausted. In Phantasmal and Resplendent I have a chapter where Lup, Barry, and Taako air their frustrations and anger at Lucretia and I feel bad about that. Because as the author I know that Lucretia isn't doing it out of pride or hubris. She's doing these things because she was dealt a losing hand and now she has to play with it.
> 
> I just,,, it's 3 AM and this probably doesn't make any sense, but. Lucretia, man. She needs a hug. And a happy ending.


	3. Chapter 3

  
"Hey, where's Davenport?"

These were the first words that greeted the Director. Merle spoke them.

The Director hadn't prepared any excuse for the gnome leaving, but she found herself speaking in her cool, monotone voice before she could think.

"He was feeling a bit overwhelmed," she answered. "I sent him away to take a break. You don't have to worry, he's just taking his first vacation in a long time."

The Director gave the two men a quick rundown of her experience of Wonderland and then she let them go to prepare for the mission.

Magnus asked if he could speak to Pringles before he left, and after explaining that he meant Robbie, the Director shut him down. If he saw Davenport down there, it would be disastrous.

The director bid them good luck and farewell, and when the door closed she was finally able to process everything that had just happened. Her persona fell and she sobbed.

Lucretia couldn't allow herself to regret her actions. She had come too far.

When Lucretia had composed herself, she went to visit Davenport. To her shock, she found that the brig had been left unguarded—but that couldn't be, she had seen the guards when she last left, so—

Magnus.

She shook her head. She should have known that his curiosity would have gotten the best of him. She hoped it was just that—his curiosity. 

"Davenport?" Lucretia called. "I just want to talk."

She got no response.

"Davenport, I know Magnus came down here," she said, walking up to his cell. The sight that she found broke her heart.

Her former captain was curled up in the furthest corner, shaking. The seashell and Starblaster replica were shattered on the ground, and the map was ripped to shreds.

Lucretia's heart sank. This man was once her family, but she knew she'd broken that bond. She'd broken _him_. She could only hope that someday in the future he could forgive her.

"I'm sorry," Lucretia said softly. "I'm so, so sorry."

The next day Lucretia was in her office, making another attempt at locating Taako's bracer when there was a soft knock on the door. She frowned. She hadn't been expecting anyone.

Lucretia opened the door to find Angus McDonald, notebook and wand in hand, smiling. Her heart dropped. She had completely forgotten about the boy's relationship with Taako when she erased him.

They exchanged pleasantries and Angus had a quick glance around the office.

"Where's Davenport?" He asked. "It's just that we usually play chess in the library, but today was the first day he hadn't been shown up, and I was worried."

Lucretia hesitated. Then she remembered the explanation she gave to Merle. "Oh, no need to worry, Angus," she said. "Davenport has just been feeling a bit stressed lately and I had him take a break off-base."

"Oh," Angus said.

"Is that all you're here for?" Lucretia asked, desperately wishing that was the case. She needed to find Taako as soon as possible and couldn't afford any distractions.

"Oh no, Madam Director," Angus said, opening his planner to that day's date. "I'm here for the magic lessons." Angus smiled gleefully, and he pointed to an entry that read _Magic Lessons with **Taako**_. "I must have gotten ink on my hands from all the fancy pens and smudged your name, but I'm here, right on time."

Lucretia smiled in a way that she hoped was convincing. "Yes, of course. Your magic lessons, how could I forget?" She gripped her white oak staff and Mage Handed a beginner's spell book from her large bookshelf. "Now, what spell would you like to work on today?" She asked.

When magic lessons finished, Lucretia bid farewell to Angus at the door. As soon as it shut she fell to her knees. When Lucretia lifted her head, she found herself staring at the portrait she had concealed—the one she had painted on the beach world.

"Oh gods," Lucretia cried, staring at what once was her family, "What have I done?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be honest, before I wrote this fic, I hadn't put myself in Lucretia's mindspace. I did understand why she did what she did, but I didn't put myself in her shoes before now.
> 
> In writing her, I want her to be forgiven. I want her to regain the family she lost. I want her to be happy.
> 
> I like to think that in canon, Taako eventually forgives Lucretia. It takes years and a lot of effort and support from both sides, but Taako allows Lucretia to be his sister again.
> 
> Here though, in the universe I created, I don't know if that can happen. I honestly don't know if Taako will ever be able to forgive Lucretia. And that breaks my heart. But it's not my decision, not really. It's Taako's, and I'm just the one who writes what happens.


End file.
